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Have you ever wanted something SO badly but it just doesn’t seem to happen?

It is hard to imagine, perhaps, but more than 18 years ago, my parents decided to go on a once in a lifetime dream vacation. They had wanted to go to the Holy Lands. In fact, this is something that they had wanted to do for years, but that particular year was supposed to be the last year that my great aunt and uncle were going to be leading tours. They had gone numerous times, and my parents decided that before they were done leading tours altogether, they would finally make this dream a reality. But here’s the thing: they didn’t want to go alone. They wanted to take their kids and experience it with them.

So after months of planning, the Ivey family, with the grown children and spouses went on a trip to Greece, Egypt, Jordan, and Israel. It was truly an amazing trip.

Shortly before we left for our journey, my brother and sister-in-law who were newly married found out they were pregnant. It had happened quicker than they had expected, and although it was exciting to think of having a new niece or nephew, I have to admit, I was jealous. Really jealous. And hurt.

I couldn’t seem to get pregnant. I had been married for 3 years. I had been trying to get pregnant for at least 2 and nothing was happening. I was becoming more and more discouraged with each passing month, and it seemed absolutely unfair. Was something wrong with me? Was I barren? I know that poor Heather had to endure quite a bit of morning sickness on this trip. You’d think I would be thankful that I wasn’t having to experience that – but instead, my heart ached at the knowledge that I had no reason to be sick.

The second week of the trip was spent in the country of Israel. It was during this week that Ihad the most incredible encounter with God. It is one of the most vivid andamazing experiences with God that I have ever had, but I will not go into greatdetail about that today… What I will say is that on one evening, I foundmyself alone in my hotel room and I got very “real” with God.

I remembered the scriptures I had read, “May Your eyes be open toward this temple night and day, this place of which You said, ‘My Name shall be there,’ so that You will hear the prayer your servant prays toward this place. Hear the supplication of Your servant and of Your people Israel when they pray toward this place.” (I Kings 8:29-30)

I cried out to God. I begged Him for a child. Just like Samuel’s mother, Hannah had, in the Old Testament. “She (Hannah), greatly distressed, prayed to the LORD and wept bitterly. She made a vow and said, “O LORD of hosts, if You will indeed look on the affliction of Your maidservant and remember me, and not forget Your maidservant, but will give Your maidservant a son, then I will give him to the LORD all the days of his life…” (I Samuel 1:9-11)

That night, alone, in a hotel room, I poured out my heart and surrendered my desire to Him. And, I decided that EVEN IF the LORD was not going to bless me in this way, I would still love, serve and trust Him with my life.

I came home from that trip, pregnant. And I knew it. I knew it from the moment I conceived.

Friend, there are times when God doesn’t seem to give us the desires of our hearts. Or maybe He does give us blessings or our desires – but just not in the way that we expected. I certainly did not know that as I begged for a child that the LORD would give me a child with an extra 21st chromosome. But God knew. He knew who to create within me. He knew who I needed for my daughter. He knew who the world needed – Hannah. But there are also those times where God seems to answer with a no. There is no baby. There is no healing. There is no job. There is no miracle (at least from our perspective). There is no answer.

Does God love me?

Do I matter to God?

Why did God give me dreams if He is not planning to fulfill them?

I don’t have all the answers. I don’t. But I believe I know that God DOES love us. All of us. I DO know that we matter to God. We do. And I know that God gives us dreams, and sometimes He chooses to fulfill them, and sometimes I think the dreams are just ours… not His.

I think that we need to close with the EVEN IF… Will we still love, serve and trust Him with our lives, even if He doesn’t provide how we want Him to?

LORD, I know that there are friends who are waiting on You and Your miracles. They are waiting, and answers seem far away. I know that there are desires in our hearts that have yet to be fulfilled. Help us to trust You with them. Help us to live for You regardless of life’s circumstances. Remind us that You are with us. Remind us that You have a plan. Remind us of Your great love. Help us to be ok with whatever happens. Father, also we ask that You would open our eyes to Your presence in our lives today and in the days to come. Help us to see Your hand at work, and help us to draw closer to You. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Blessings!