Lately I have found that I am asking myself the question that I ask of students who are struggling with perspective taking and self-regulation: “Is this a big problem, or a little problem?” Why? Because my reaction is making me feel like the problems that are popping up and tied to me are big.
They certainly are not small problems. When I think about the daily multitude of small problems: my pen running out of ink, distributing the wrong lesson during a social skills group, forgetting to turn off the coffee maker – I realize the layers of problems I am experiencing do not actually fall in the “small problem” category.
My problems aren’t really “large problems” either. No one is my home is dying. We aren’t fighting some horrific disease. We have a home that has neither burned down, nor been foreclosed upon. My family daily have more than enough food and clothing. We have access to medical care, and do not even require it at this time. My problems don’t really fit into the large problem category.
So why do my problems impact me in such a significant way? Why am I reacting to them with such big feelings? Such emotion? Why am I sent to a place where I am feeling so discouraged and overwhelmed?
Have I walked away from God? No. Do I believe that He sees me and knows my circumstances? Yes. Do I believe that He cares about them? Yes. Have I given my problems and concerns to Him? Yes. And, I still feel as if I am in the middle of a spin cycle in the washing machine of life. I may be exactly where God wants me to be in order to wash me clean or rid me of some of the dirt or waste in my life, but this cycle is hard. It’s taxing. I want to pause the machine and catch my breath and gain my bearings.
My problems, while not big, are also not small. And these problems are hitting me from what feels like all fronts. Like waves of attack.
What do I do? What can I do?
First, I will continue to do what I know to do. Stay close to God. I will do this by continuing to wake up early and spend time in His word. I will continue to share my heart with Him, and seek His direction and leading.
Next, I will wait. Experience has taught me that rarely have I had the same timing as God as far as His provision goes. As much as I would like to rush Him into doing something now, I do trust that God knows what He is doing, and that He is waiting for the right time and the right circumstances until He acts. He will not fail me. He has not failed me.
Finally, I will continue to ask for God’s provision and help, while at the same time trying to keep perspective and honor God with my praise. God is still God, and He is worthy of so much more than I give Him.
“You have allowed me to suffer much hardship, but you will restore me to life again and lift me up from the depths of the earth. You will restore me to even greater honor and comfort me once again.” (Psalm 71:-20-21)
Blessings!