I guess I am a bit of a fighter by nature. I’m not really sure how I ended up with that kind of tenacity, but I seem to have it. I do not tend to be passive about the things or even people I am passionate about. While I wouldn’t say that I love confrontation, confrontation seems to me to be at times a necessary part of life, and I am not afraid of it.
Perhaps it is because of this part of my personality that it is a struggle for me to sit back and let someone else fight my battles. And maybe, there is more to it. Maybe in part, it seems weird to have someone else take up my battle and fight for me because the battle isn’t really theirs to fight.
I’m not sure what type of “battles” you are facing, friend, but I am well aware of my current one. What I have learned over the years is that we are faced with battles or “giants,” or “mountains” – whatever you refer to them as – regularly. It seems like we are either coming out of one, coming in to one, or smack dab in the middle of one. Right? Maybe your battle is fear. Maybe it’s loss. Maybe it’s rejection, abandonment, illness, or even the unknown.
My current battle is one that is completely new to me. Perhaps that is what makes this so scary and feel so large.
Maybe you know, and then again, maybe you don’t know, but I have a daughter with Down Syndrome. Her name is Hannah. She has been one of the best gifts that I have ever been given. Yet while parenting Hannah has come with great joy, parenting her has also come with some significant cost. I love my girl, and I would not change her.
Hannah recently turned 18. While most parents celebrate in some way the concept that their child has entered into adulthood, I have not been experiencing those thoughts. My child is biologically an adult, and remains a child in most every other way. She cannot come up with solutions to problems in more than one way without help. She has no understanding of time or money. She freezes or gets stuck when she doesn’t know what to do, instead of asking for help. She lacks typical independence skills that a typical peer (or even her 13 year old sister) has.
Six months or so have passed since I made my first appointment with a lawyer. I wanted to discuss the pros and cons of transferring rights to Hannah when she turned 18 or pursuing guardianship. With the help of my lawyer asking me questions to help me arrive at an answer, it became very clear to me that Hannah really does need a guardian.
Fast forward through all the continuing advocacy and meetings with the school district, direction services, my lawyer, and Hannah’s father, and I find myself sitting smack dab in the middle of a legal mess. Hannah, not understanding guardianship at all, mentioned she wanted her father and mother as guardians (where I have had sole custody for the past 13 plus years). Her father, who has always wanted joint custody, while having previously signed consent for my having sole guardianship, expressed that he wanted joint guardianship. This led into home visitations from the court, a court date, and Hannah being assigned her own lawyer.
I, who have no problem fighting my battles, am in the midst of a battle I cannot fight. I find that I can share my heart, my concerns, my mind, with my lawyer – but at the end of the day, it will be my lawyer who will do the fighting for me.
It’s a strange place to be. And it is eye opening for me.
I cannot seem to shake from my mind the fact that this is somewhat parallel to how we are to be with our Heavenly Father. Many of us probably fight this with Him, too, but He calls us to share our heart, our concerns, our minds with Him – but then release it to Him. Allow Him to work. Allow Him to fight for us.
My lawyer is good, but He is not God. If I can place my trust in my lawyer (even though releasing that control is hard), should I not be able to place my trust in the King of Kings and LORD of Lords?
Today is the day of the trial. And, this is the day that the LORD has made, and therefore, I will rejoice and be glad in it. He has gone before me. He is representing me. He adores His Hannah. He will not do wrong by her. He can be trusted.
“I praise you name for your unfailing love and faithfulness; for your promises are backed by all the honor of your name. As soon as I pray, you answer me; you encourage me by giving me strength.” (Psalm 138:2-3) “Though I am surrounded by troubles, you will protect me from the anger of my enemies. You reach out your hand, and the power of your right hand saves me. The LORD will work out His plans for my life – for your faithful love, O LORD, endures forever. Don’t abandon me, for you made me.” (v. 7-8)
Blessings!
Oh Michelle, I pray the trial went well for Hannah and that His Will will be done here.
thank you Michelle. This is really helpful. I too have battles that I need to leave with the Lord and to trust the Lord. I need to leave for the Lord to handle. Thank you for sending me his guidance through your words.