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Who are you? Where do you fall in your birth order? How are you treated in your family? Was equality something that your parents practiced when it came to their children? Or were you raised in a home where parents didn’t seem to mask their particular affection for a sibling?

For years, I have been teased by my family about feeling as if I was the non-preferred child. They jest about the fact that I have typical “middle child syndrome,” as if that would somehow explain why my feelings are as they are. Even with their label slapped all over the past, I know that actions speak louder than words. All of my life I have been told with words that “we don’t have favorites,” but the actions and favor speak differently.

As a child I remember desperately wanting the affection and attention of my father. I knew that he was closest to my brother. I knew that he had wanted a pack of sons, but yet had only one. I knew that Tim was important to dad because he would spend hours with Tim working on sports. In an effort to have the same attention, or approval, I decided to try and play baseball, too. I was one of three girls in the league, and the only one on my team. I would race from dance lessons to the ball park, changing from a leotard to a uniform as quickly as I could to join my team. I think dad was proud of me, but if push came to shove, and sometimes it did, Tim and his team would win.

My mother, I believe chose her baby for other reasons. Perhaps it was because Holly has needed her more. Perhaps it has been because they are wired more alike. Maybe it was solely based on the fact that she knew Holly would be her last child. I am not sure. What started as a child in particular investments of time and gifts have dramatically escalated into adulthood. Holly and her family are the topic of practically every conversation we ever have. Holly’s only child is clearly favored, and is regularly showered with special items as well as outings.

This past weekend, I felt yet again left out. My family decided to go to Idaho and visit my grandparents, celebrating birthdays, but did not think to include or even invite me and my children. As I looked at the photos on Facebook, I’ll admit, I began to feel discouraged, angry – even bitter toward the situation. The pictures, instead of bringing me happiness, had the opposite effect.

Ironically, yet not atypically for how God works, I have been reading out of the book of Genesis. In particular, I have been reading about Joseph. Who doesn’t love Joseph? He is one of my favorites in the Bible. And yet, many times I feel like one of the other brothers. Watching the beautiful coat of many colors, the blessing, the time invested, the extra love being poured onto a sibling instead of distributed equally or directed at me.

Honestly, I hesitated writing this today, because I know that even as I do, I will most likely receive more ribbing. Be dismissed. Even have caused offense. But is there truth in what I am saying? Yes. Maybe you’ve been there. Maybe you have experienced it, too.

But my life is not defined by my place in my earthly family. My worth does not come from my parents. My value and worth does not come from an Aunt. My value and worth come from my Father in Heaven who is absolutely crazy about me. He adores me. His affection for me is greater than I can even comprehend. I am flawed. I am broken. I am at times incredibly defeated – but my God does not view me that way. He doesn’t. He sees in me something special. He created me just the way He wanted me to be. I don’t need to do anything to earn His affection. I don’t need to beg for His time. I have it. I am His beloved.

So are you. No one above another. We are all His favorite – despite our differences.

Friend, may we never try to hold in what needs to be placed into the capable hands of our loving Father. It is only in His grip that the hurts and baggage we have been carrying can be released. It is only by drawing close to Him, that we can fully understand how deep His love and affection for us really is.

Blessings!