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I woke up sore this morning. I went to bed sore and woke up – still sore. Why? My feet and calves are bruised. My arms and back ache. My hand is tender.

I was assaulted yesterday, again, at work. I’m not sure if I can think of any other profession right now where when you are assaulted you can do nothing to defend yourself or fight back. You are only able to “deflect” as best you can, while still getting beat.

I have never been a woman who would have stayed in a relationship that was physically abusive. My nature is that of a fighter and my gut reaction is to engage when someone goes against me. The problem is: that sort of reaction is against the law. It means a loss of my teaching license and a potential lawsuit. It means having my name and picture displayed publically as if I am some sort of criminal for resorting to self-defense. And so, I take it. Blow by blow. Kick after kick. Waiting the cycle of escalation out.

No wonder I am sore. No wonder I feel so beat up. I am.

Working in a school unfortunately also exposes me to a different kind of attack. While I am literally spending time being physically assaulted, my colleagues and I are also being attacked on the emotional side. I am absolutely in shock at how much time and effort is put into dealing with critical, and frankly sometimes absolutely crazy parents. Did logic go out of style? Is kindness no longer a thing? Since when have the words of a small child and the perspective behind them began to carry more weight than that of the adults who are constantly giving their best every day? But it happens. “My child shouldn’t be corrected for their misbehavior.” What? How then will they learn to be good people? How will they learn to be in healthy relationships?

I am blown away.

So I spend hours in meetings with parents. De-escalating adults. I spend hours writing emails and responding to critical attacks – both aimed at me, and the colleagues I see working so hard.

It’s crazy-making.

Sometimes I wish that work was the only place I felt such unrest and attack. But it isn’t. I feel it spiritually as well. I feel it within my areas of ministry, too. Frankly, this piece is harder to take than the abuse from work. I have no idea how to move forward. I have done all I know to do with no positive results. I feel completely defeated. Discouraged. Overwhelmed. Disappointed.

I am being hit on so many sides.

Even as I sit here writing this, my heart aches. I long for something better. Something different. I cry out to God asking Him to see me. To help me. To lead me. To use me.

I am grateful that I am reading in the book of Psalms. I am grateful because I know that other God followers struggle too, not just me. I am not alone in the waiting period for God to act on my behalf…

“Have mercy on me, O God, have mercy! I look to you for protection. I will hide beneath the shadow of your wings until the danger passes by. I cry out to God Most High, to God who will fulfill His purpose for me. He will send help from heaven to rescue me, disgracing those who hound me. My God will send forth His unfailing love and faithfulness.” (Psalm 57:1-3) “You are my strength; I wait for you to rescue me, for you, O God, are my fortress. In his unfailing love, my God will stand with me. He will let me look down in triumph on all my enemies.” (Psalm 59:9-10)

I see no end. There is not yet victory. But victory will come. Someday. So today I will try to take comfort in knowing that while I wait, God stands with me.

Blessings!