Which defines you? Which adjective best matches the way that we live out our lives in Christ? Are we compliant and obedient to God’s word? Do we live in such a way that when God directs, and God speaks, we do as He asks the first time without complaint or questioning? Or do we live a life of opposition? Are we off on our own agenda? If God says go, do we go? Or do we head the opposite direction? Are we more likely to “lock horns” with God and enter into a debate about why we will not comply?
Which defines you?
Working in a school has provided me with an opportunity to see both personality traits in students and sometimes even in adults. For some, the label shifts depending on who or what the circumstance is, but for others – truly oppositional folks – it’s pretty much a regular part of their day.
One of the students I work with is now in her second year at our school. I began working with her last year, but have increased the level of support that she is receiving from me this year. From day one I noticed that this little kiddo, while incredibly adorable, is also incredibly oppositional. If the teacher gave a direction to come to the carpet, she would stay at the table. If the whistle blows at recess, instead of lining up, she would continue playing. Literally, if I told her that the sky was blue, she would argue that the sky was green.
This little lady can hear. This little lady can see. This little lady is wired to be oppositional.
Opposition can lead you to unsafe situations. It can impact your relationships with others. It prevents you from hearing the truth. It escalates big emotions and increases the likelihood of rule-breaking and the consequences that go along with it.
I recognize it because I live with it. My own sweet daughter is oppositional. But here’s what I have learned over the years of experience I have worked with her: 1) She isn’t always oppositional. 2) There isn’t a consistent pattern to what she is oppositional about. 3) She may lock up over things that she wants to do, or even against people she wants to please. 4) There is a way to decrease the frequency and even duration of the behavior.
When you are in a place of teaching, caring for, and loving on someone who is oppositional it can be exhausting work. You are always thinking. You are always monitoring yourself so that your reaction isn’t actually causing a reaction in the other person.
You know what else? Oppositional people are not only exhausting at times – they can be annoying. Why won’t they just follow directions? Why won’t they just comply? Why won’t they just listen and do what they are supposed to do?
Friend, my guess is that in some area or another in our walk with Christ, we are both compliant and oppositional. We readily comply with whatever we need to do to gain salvation. We want and need God’s salvation. But we struggle with living differently. We like feeling in control. We like what we like, and when we are asked to give it up or follow God’s directions we become defiant. Oppositional. We don’t like being told what to do.
Why does God tell us what to do? Is He trying to ruin our lives? Take away our fun? No. Does He want to alienate us from others? No. Why does He do it? Love. God tells us what to do because of His great love for us. He desires to protect His children from harm that we would bring upon ourselves. He wants to set us up for the rewards that come to those who do the right things. He rewards obedience with blessings.
At school, I give directions not because I am trying to set kids up to fail! I give them directions and rules to set them up to be successful! I want them to experience the blessings that are available to them when they do the right thing. I want them to learn to be kind, caring, responsible, respectful, and safe adults. They don’t achieve these skills without shaping. Without learning to comply.
Friend, we need to take a look inside our own spiritual walk. Where are we consistently struggling to be obedient to what God is telling us to do? What areas have we refused to allow Him to control in our lives? What are we holding back from Him? What do we need to do to change it so that we become obedient to Him instead?
LORD God, would you open our eyes to the truth? Reveal anything in us that would separate us from you. Father, bring it to the forefront of our minds, and then would you help us to bring it into submission to You? You have better things planned for us than a life of opposition will allow. Help us to trust You. Trust your goodness. Trust your plan. Help us to comply with Your will and Your ways. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
“Teach me to do your will, for you are my God. May your gracious Spirit lead me forward on a firm footing.” -Psalm 143:10