What is it about forgiveness that makes it harder to forgive some people than it is to forgive others? Or some offenses more than others?
I know that God commands us to forgive as we have been forgiven. I also know just how much I have been forgiven! I don’t deserve God wiping the slate of my sin clean. I don’t. Yet I have been given such a gift.
Matthew 6:14-15 “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”
The scripture is pretty explicit. I must forgive if I desire to be forgiven.
Why is forgiveness so difficult to extend at times? Why is made so much easier in others?
I’m not a fan of abuse. I hate it actually. I hate being screamed at with vile language. I hate being kicked. I hate being hit. It is exhausting. It takes its toll not just on my body, but on my mind. Yet I seem to be able to forgive such actions from a child at school. Perhaps it is because I know their behavior is still being shaped? Perhaps I can let it go because I am aware of the damage that was done to them that was out of their control? Perhaps it is because my spirit tells me they are mentally ill? I don’t know.
What I do know is that while I hate what has been said and done to me, I can forgive these actions. At least most of the time. Do they damage the relationship? Sure. I don’t trust that the kid is stable. I don’t trust that they will not flip out. I don’t trust being alone with them.
Most of the time, I can re-set my brain. I can forgive the offense and move on. But what was different about the kid I could not do that with? What was it about that situation that felt completely different? Honestly, as I sit here racking my brain trying to figure it out, I guess the closest I come to understanding is that with most students I have formed a relationship with them in the times where they are behaving well. The relationship allows me to put up with the abuse in an effort to shape the misbehavior. I never did form a relationship with one very abusive student. I never did see something good to cling to. I’m not saying it wasn’t there somewhere – I just didn’t ever see it.
Perhaps that’s the key, right? Relationship? God wants us to forgive others because relationships are so important to Him. Certainly, God was willing to sacrifice and forgive us so that He could have a relationship with us. That’s why Jesus came!
I must forgive because in doing so, I am able to be forgiven by God. If I am still bearing the weight of my sins, God cannot draw me close to Himself. God is holy. He will not – and cannot – compromise His holiness – by being in close proximity to sin. That’s why He provided us a way to be made clean.
I must forgive. That doesn’t mean I must forget – because I won’t. I can’t. That doesn’t mean that forgiving is fair – because it’s not. Honestly, this is a struggle. Yet as much as I believe fairness is what I want when others hurt me, fairness is not what I want from God. If God was being fair to me, I would deserve death.
Friend, I don’t know what you are up against. I don’t. I have no idea who is hurting you – or has caused you hurt in your past. What I do know is that I for one, struggle with forgiveness. Not always. Not with everyone. But it is still a struggle. I have work to do.
I have to remind myself that I can be bitter about the offenses done to me, or I can be better. I cannot be both. When I focus on my hurts. My pain. My grief.
I want to be better.
LORD, please help me. I know that each day I must again choose if I will allow those who hurt me to cause roots of bitterness within my heart. Honestly, LORD, I have no desire for that kind of root. Instead, I want roots that are planted by you and your Spirit at work within me. Help me keep my eyes on you and the truth of your word. Help me to reflect daily on all the garbage that I keep holding on to, and remind me that your desire is for me to lay it at the foot of the cross. I want to live a life that is completely sold out for you. I want you as my focus. You as my priority. You as my constant companion and guide. I love you, LORD. I ask these things in Jesus’ name. Amen.