I think I must set pretty high standards or expectations for myself. I’m not really sure why I do, or what really started this part of my routine, but I am coming to realize that I do. I want to do my best at everything I do. I want to be the best mom I can be. So at times, I push myself to the point of exhaustion to try and show my children my love for them. I want to be the best employee I can be. This means that at work I will often push myself into situations I have little to no desire to be in so that I can help support my boss, my co-workers, our students, and their families in whatever way I can. I want to be the best wife I can be, the best daughter I can be, the best sister I can be, the best friend I can be, the best writer I can be, the best pastor’s wife I can be.
The problem with living this way is that whenever I sense failure I take it hard. I become discouraged. What is strange about this is it really doesn’t have much if anything to do with the opinions of others toward me. You might work with me and not believe that I am really good at what I do. I’ll be honest, while I might be annoyed by the knowledge of that thought, I would chalk that up to perspective. Much of my job is done behind the scenes to make things smoother within the school. However, what really feels like a hit to me is when I am faced with a difficulty at work and I can’t dial it in. While I believe I am good at my job, when I can’t flip a child’s behavior, or when I can’t build a relationship with an angry parent, I become incredibly discouraged. I feel like I have failed.
This is really a tough way to live. It’s exhausting. It’s like constantly trying to keep all the balls up in the air, continuously adding more, but being only a mediocre juggler at best. When a ball drops, I take a hit.
I think God wants us to live our best life. I don’t mean – play and live in wealth doing whatever we want. I mean – God wants us to live in a close relationship with Him. A dependent relationship with Him. I think God wants us to live in obedience to what He asks us to do, and I think He wants us to understand our need for Him.
I’ve gotta tell you, I am VERY aware of my need for Him.
I need God’s words given by the Holy Spirit to defuse situations at work. I need God’s help to forgive those – and sometimes help to even want to forgive those who have hurt me or my family. I need strength from God to make it through times of abuse. I need to remember my identity – who God says I am – when I am mistreated, rejected, or attacked. I need to rely on how big my God is when I am presented with tasks that frankly overwhelm me. I need God’s grace, hope, and love, and plenty of it when I become discouraged by everything that isn’t going well.
I am not what I want to be. I want to be a better, stronger, woman of faith. I want to live this life – every aspect of it – for the glory of God. Winning souls. Offering encouragement. Guiding and teaching people to see and know God. I want to be a speaker of truth (in love) – even if it causes me to offend others – as I would rather be a pleaser of God than a pleaser of man. I want to live life well and not waste a minute of it.
I’ve got work to do.
Philippians 4:13 reminded me today, “For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.” There is not a thing coming against me today that can overcome Christ’s strength. Certainly, it will surpass the strength I can muster up on my own, yet it cannot surpass the strength that is found in my Jesus. O LORD, would you keep holding me up in your strength and presence?
“And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:19) Every need that will arise today has already been accounted for. God’s supply never runs dry. God’s storehouse is never lacking. Regardless of my need – I have One who stands with me and is ready to meet it. O LORD, would you fill each and every need that is presented to me today?
“But you, O LORD, are a shield around me; you are my glory, the one who holds my head high. I cried out to the LORD, and he answered me from his holy mountain. I lay down and slept, yet I woke up in safety, for the LORD was watching over me.” (Psalm 3:3-5) Every attack formed against me – every weapon meant to harm me – you not only see, LORD, but you also have the power to protect me from. O LORD, would you be my shield of protection today? LORD, would you lead me to a place of rest in your presence? Of peace?
I cannot fight discouragement alone. I cannot walk through the day to day of this life alone. I was never intended to walk alone.
LORD, take my life, my heart, my mind, my circumstances and use them for your glory. Direct and lead me, as you promise to do for all who seek you. I am seeking you. I recognize my great need for you. Thank you for seeing value in something broken. Thank you for your unfailing and ever-present love.
Blessings!