A new kind of day. That’s what today is for me – a new kind of day.
I, like all educators in our state, were sent to Spring Break a week early because of Covid-19. When we left, we really had no warning. Our principal basically called a last minute staff meeting that morning and said that as soon as students left for the day we were supposed to leave to. We did.
What I didn’t do, and have since regretted just a bit, is bring home my things. I had a sense that we might be out of school for more than the two weeks period of time, but honestly hadn’t prepared myself mentally for all that this virus would entail.
Today marked day 1 for me on a very steep learning curve. I learned that there is really no way to live life “prepared.” We may think we are. We may make decisions daily in an effort to try to cause us to at least feel like we have some control over our situations – but we really don’t.
Most of the time, work is an area that I feel skilled in. I feel as though I make a difference in the lives of students, their families, and my colleagues. It’s hard to feel like you are a difference maker when you feel completely inadequate. It’s hard to believe in your skill sets when the game has completely shifted and is now moving to something foreign. Face to face instruction and connection is where I feel I am at my best, and frankly – that isn’t happening much these days…
Is it any wonder that when I am struggling with technology, or all the unknowns that I can feel what has been secure seem to melt away? It’s no ones fault. There is no one breathing down my neck telling me I am a failure. No one is sitting back critiquing my performance. I am the cause of this emotional state inside. I am the one who is being so critical. I am the one who doesn’t seem to be cutting myself any slack.
What a yucky place to be.
Isn’t it interesting that while this nasty virus has happened and life as we know it has had to change – there is so much that remains constant and beautiful all around us! We seem to be focusing on all the negatives, and believe me friend, I know there are negatives – but why aren’t we paying as much attention to all the positives? Are we trained to be critical? Are we trained to complain? Are we trained to feel entitled?
Today I sat in on my first virtual staff meeting. Do you know what I noticed? I miss those people. I work with some really amazing folks. I also noticed that I had an amazing blue sky out my beautiful windows. I noticed that there were some gorgeous spring flowers blooming. I looked around and thought about my home and how blessed I am to live in it. I found myself thinking about the cup of warm coffee in my hand and I thought about how great it is to have food, power, and heat. Am I done? Nope. Just getting started – that is if I was planning to really list it all.
My perspective needs to be adjusted. Does yours? Distance learning is not fun at this point. In fact, it may be that it will feel uncomfortable and unfamiliar the entire time we are doing it. But is there value in it? Sure. This will be good. Difficult, yes. Beneficial, very likely. I do need to adjust my perspective. Change my attitude. Look for the good parts and not the bad.
Is this like our faith? How’s your faith in God these days? Are you at a place where you believe that God is still sovereign, or are you wondering if He has finally had enough of us all? Friend, my heart is heavy as I watch people I love and care for suffer from lost jobs, sickness, fear and grief. I know everything seems magnified because of the necessary isolation to slow this virus down. But here’s the thing: God has not left His children. He hasn’t. He won’t. And whether we are always aware of it or not, we are never actually isolated. God is always with us. Not just with us – in us. So close. Can you feel Him?
Have you thought about God’s perspective in all this crazy pandemic? Have you wondered why He hasn’t stopped it when He could? I’ll admit, I have. I do know that even as I come up with reasons, I am certain I am not wise enough to completely know God’s perspective. I do wonder if it has to do in part with our brokenness? I wonder, is this a method God is using to bring us back into a relationship – a REAL relationship with Him? (Not just a one hour Sunday check-in or a visit to church on Christmas Eve.) I can’t help but wonder if God isn’t trying to rebuild the faith of His people?
I’ve found myself reading some over this “break/waiting period” from work. I finished reading Bob Goff’s “Everybody, Always.” I wanted to give you a thought to chew on as I have been chewing on it since I read the words: “Faith isn’t a business trip on a sidewalk; it’s an adventure worked out on a steep and sometimes difficult trail.”
Welcome to the steep and sometimes difficult trail, friends. This is one of those work-outs we dread, but always feel better on the other side of. Remember that God is not only on the trail with us – He is illuminating the path for our protection. Do you trust His plan? Are you willing to follow His lead? Do you have your ears tuned to hear His voice?
“Don’t be afraid. Just have faith…” (Luke 8:50a)
We don’t need a plan. We don’t need control. We simply need to have faith in the one who holds both.
Blessings!