How often do we push ourselves to do some self-examination? We can so much more easily look and assess our areas of strength, but then really struggle when we must also look at our weaknesses. It’s almost as if we believe that our denial or lack of acknowledging them means that our weaknesses are hidden – unseen by others. As a safe guard, we may even try to limit our transparency or vulnerability from those around us. We may even try to surround ourselves with people who are more interested in being close to us than in being honest with us. Why? I’m guessing that for most of us, when we dive into a place of deep self-reflection or when we invite others into our “true self” we not only do not like what we see, but we also fear that others will judge us, reveal what they find, or abandon us altogether.
It seems easier, then, to throw on a plastic smile and build relationships based on superficial things.
Our culture promotes this. Perhaps all cultures promote this. Maybe this is a scheme of the enemy to keep so many of us emotionally and spiritually isolated. It might be that this is a huge factor for those of us who struggle with anxiety, depression, and even loneliness. We want to be known, right? We want to be loved without conditions placed upon that love. We want to do well at everything we do – we just sadly don’t always do everything as well as we’d like.
It’s possible that we have even tried being vulnerable and transparent before – but it didn’t go so well. It didn’t bring about the results we had hoped for. Instead of deepening relationships and strengthening them, they ended. Perhaps they ended painfully. Now experience tells us not to make that mistake again. Suppress. Conceal. Do whatever it takes to present something different than the truth. Hopefully, no one notices. No one looks deeper.
We can get pretty good at living this way. We can hide much from acquaintances, and create strategies to shut down feedback from those within our more intimate circles. We can avoid self-reflection altogether. It is less painful. But is it right? Is it good? Is it what’s really best for us? Does this behavior allow for growth? Does it fill the need to be known and unconditionally loved?
I understand why so many of us want to live this way. I just wish we wouldn’t. It feels dishonest. It feels fake. It feels like it goes against God’s plan and desire for His people.
I read about Jesus taking his disciples through Samaria. The scriptures actually say, “Jesus had to go to Samaria.” He didn’t, from a geographical standpoint. Jews didn’t. Jesus was Jewish. He could have taken a long way around Samaria and by doing so still arrived at his destination without needing to interact with any despised Samaritan. But that wasn’t Jesus, was it? He had to go. So he went.
Jesus sends his disciples into town to get some food. Yet Jesus has a divine appointment with a woman who has been trying her best to live under the radar. Perhaps she’s not doing such a great job, but she’s trying. She certainly knows that avoiding others is easier than dealing with their stares and whispers. However, today’s trip to the well isn’t really what she was hoping for, but was exactly what she needed.
Jesus immediately engages with her. She may be trying to hide inside herself, but Jesus isn’t having it. He isn’t interested in false narratives. He isn’t interested in partial truths. He’s not there to condemn her. He’s come on the scene to set her free. He’s come to express love in a way she’s always wanted. What she has tried to hid, he calls out. “You’ve been married five times.” “The man you are living with now isn’t your husband.”
There is no way that Jesus could possibly know this about her. She’s at the well alone and at the wrong kind of day – yes – but how could he know her truth so intimately – in so much accurate detail? This is no ordinary man. She recognizes that immediately – referring to him as a prophet. Yet Jesus does the most extraordinary thing. He let’s her know he sees her baggage – her secrets – her inner heart, and then he reveals himself to her, “I Am the Messiah!”
Her life is on display for him. She’s not hiding anything. She’s willing to face embarrassment at this point because she sees in his eyes something different. There is no condemnation. There is no accusation. There is no judgement. There is no detest. Before her stands the Savior of the World. The longed for Messiah. One who speaks with kindness and tenderness, even to one as broken and messed up as she. “Dear woman…” who has called her by such terms?
After this exchange, she runs back into her town to share with anyone who will listen about this man she has met at the well – the Messiah.
Jesus knew that he had to go through Samaria. Jesus knew this woman was waiting for him. He also knew that there would be a whole host of people who needed to know that God not only sees them, God desires them to come clean. To live transparent lives. He invited them to self-reflect and see that frankly, we are all damaged sinners who equally need to confess our faults – our sins – before the One who can cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
Friend, isn’t that true for us as well? We can stay locked inside ourselves – hiding. That is an option. But that option results in wall building, self-defeating, isolating, even damaging behavior. We don’t spiritually or emotionally that way. The only way we grow is hardened to sin. We grow blind to it while trying to minimize and hide it. Those around us may not talk about it. They may think I’m all that and a bag of chips – but I’ve lost my influence. I’ve traded truth for a facade.
I don’t know about you, but I am not content to live that way. I want to allow God to speak into my life to help shape and transform me. I want to surround myself with those who are bold enough to call me out on faulty thinking and frankly – sinful actions – instead of fill my life with those who placate me with fluffy compliments. I cannot ever get better if I believe I am not honest with myself and surrounded by godly people who are also willing to be honest with me.
I want to be like Jesus. I want relationships with people who are also striving to be like him. Truth speaking. Unconditional loving. Not condoning sin – calling it out, but not through a lens of condemnation, but rather from a place of understanding. We are all there. Broken sinners. We need cleansing. It’s been offered. Paid for. Can we stop hiding and holding onto what needs to be confessed? Can we stop pretending and start living transparent lives? If we can, we will find living water. It is there that our thirst can finally be quenched.
LORD, open our eyes to reveal that which we keep trying to avoid. Instead of blaming others, instead of looking at the faults of those around us, help us to be willing to look deeply into our selves. Reveal our sins against you. Father, instead of avoiding those who are truth speakers in our lives, I ask that you would help us to seek them. Help us to remember, LORD, that we are to sharpen each other as iron sharpens iron. LORD, we cannot do this hard work without your gracious hand leading us. It’s more than we can bear. Our sins are many. You have promised to cover them all. You will forgive us when we confess our sins to you. Thank you for your faithfulness. Thank you for your love. Thank you for modeling for us that we can be known, forgiven, and whole. We ask these things in Jesus’ name, Amen.
Blessings!