As a teacher, I have had to learn and adjust during this pandemic in relation to my work. It wasn’t as if I was a typical classroom teacher prior to the changes, I wasn’t. I wasn’t assigned a classroom. I didn’t have students that were specific to me. I have spent the last several years as a teacher on special assignment (or TOSA). My job description has morphed. What has stayed consistent has been the purpose of my job – which is to support students who exhibit behavior and need extra supports during their school day as well as to provide assistance and consultation to the teachers who have them in their classrooms.
So what does that look like during a pandemic? Other teachers were forced to learn and use online platforms and technology in an effort to instruct both through distance learning as well as in hybrid or in some cases now – in-person learning. Again, not being typical, certainly within our building – and even within the district (there are very few behavior TOSA’s), the shift to the virtual world was unclear for me.
The short explanation for all that has happened in my world (job wise) is that I have basically created someway in which I could help address the huge need for social/emotional health for kids and families. One of the ways that I have been doing this was to learn a new curriculum and then figure out a way to modify what is meant to be done in person, and roll it out in a way that meets our COVID policies and school blueprint. Since we still do not have all kids back in school, and because of the limitations of the number of kids in a week that I am able to interface with, the best way for us to do this has been through video recordings.
I am not what I would call a tech person. In fact, while I feel like I have grown exponentially in this area professionally, I still feel very inadequate – especially if anything goes wrong or changes. However, I have learned how to record videos on my computer, edit them, and then upload them and share them.
Why am I taking all this time to share this information? Well, it occurred to me recently, that my videos often need a lot of editing. It’s not uncommon for me to sit and record a clip that is 4 or 5 minutes in length prior to editing, and then post-editing find that it is only about 2 minutes long. It seems that a significant part of the recording contains errors, or parts that when I go back and watch, frankly need to be cut. They get in the way. They are too wordy. They are tangental. They detract from what the real meat or focus of the material is.
I’m grateful for the ability to edit my lessons. The product – while not perfect – is meaningful, useful, and holds the potential to positively impact the lives of our students.
It occurred to me that for so many of us, we long for an edit in our lives, don’t we? We want to somehow delete the parts that we look back at and don’t like. We realize that our actions and words have gotten in the way of the message that we are trying to live. The clarity that seemed lacking in the real-time moment of recording is so much more evident later as we look back. What do we do? What can we do? Life doesn’t “clean up” the same way editing a movie does…
Ignoring or hiding our flaws isn’t editing.
Lying and pretending about our flaws isn’t editing.
Blaming and deflecting regarding our flaws isn’t editing.
Can the garbage – the waste – even be edited?
Kind of. From a sin standpoint – the promise of the Bible (the Word of God) is that we can be forgiven. We need only to confess (or own) our sins to God and ask Jesus for forgiveness. Because of God’s mercy and sacrifice, we are forgiven and cleansed. Our sin is no longer held against us at this point. God has removed it as far as the east is from the west… yet the consequences of our choices are not removed. There is value and meaning added to the “film,” but the story is permanently changed.
Have I completely confused you? Let me see if I can give an example of this from my own life. There were times when I was younger, that I made foolish decisions with men. I mean foolish. I was naive, for sure, but the extent of my stupidity cannot fully be blamed on naivete. I knew what I was doing was wrong. I recall meeting a man who I found to be particularly good looking. I was 17, he was 26. Can you say – “red flag?” But I allowed my attraction to outweigh my wisdom. I placed myself into a situation where the stage was set for incredible harm. In one such instance, were it not by the grace and protection of God (and I mean that with 100% certainty), I would have been raped. The idiotic thinking and lack of wisdom still stuns me. It’s as if I see myself but do not know myself. How could I have been so blind? That experience, by the way, still impacts my thinking – even to the point where it impacts my parenting. I wish I could edit that out. Remove it. Make it so that the whole experience – in fact – probably removing that whole chapter of my life – would make my “movie” more like I want it to be. But it doesn’t work that way, does it?
Here’s what I know: I have given that experience and many other sin-filled experiences over to God. He has forgiven me. He has redeemed me and washed me clean. Yet, the consequences have remained. They have become a part of a story that is essential to who I am in Christ. A sinner, in such a great need of saving.
God gives us a choice. He can cleanse us from all unrighteousness (1 John 1:9) and re-write our story. But this is our choice. “Your impurity is your lewdness and the corruption of your idolatry. I tried to cleanse you, but you refused. So now you will remain in your filth…” (Ezekiel 24:13) Why live that way?
We don’t have to. “I will cleanse them from all their iniquity by which they have sinned against Me, and I will pardon all their iniquities by which they have sinned against Me and by which they have transgressed against Me.” (Jeremiah 33:8)
LORD, thank you for giving of yourself to redeem us. I ask that we would be willing to humble ourselves before you and confess our sins so that we can be made clean. Thank you, LORD, for being true to your word. Thank you, LORD, that we can serve a Holy and Righteous God. We don’t deserve to be called yours – but we are so grateful for it! In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Blessings.