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Isn’t it interesting that we can so easily find ourselves in situations where we feel stuck? I’m there. Again. It feels gross. It feels discouraging. It feels draining. And… I am not called to live by what I feel, am I? I am called to live by what I know.

Here’s the situation: Before Barry and I got married, I was a single parent who had a friend that suggested that I start working in the public school system so that I could not only gain benefits but also have a schedule that somewhat aligned with my children’s school schedules. I began working as an educational assistant in a resource classroom and I loved it. I was good at it. I enjoyed the time with my colleagues as well as with the students that I provided intensive instruction to.

After encouragement for 3 years from the classroom teachers and principals that I worked for – as well as my guy (who was about to become my husband), I went back to school to obtain a master’s degree in Special Education from the University of Oregon. Barry and I married a week before the program began and we made the decision that from a financial standpoint – the one-year program would be the way that I needed to go so that we would only be without my income for one year.

That first year of marriage was very challenging. I think it was more challenging for me than anyone knows. Blending a family is hard. Very hard. My boys were teens (a tough time to blend) and my girls were 8 and 4. Our home was small and loud. No one seemed to notice or think about how challenging it would be to read and write SpEd law papers – for example – with people yelling at the TV sports teams, video games, or any other of the noisy things full-houses generate. So my place to write was often standing up at the bathroom counter in the master bathroom trying to focus. It was hard. And eventually, I was grateful to think about earplugs.

Fast forward.

If you know me, you have heard how challenging my job really is. On a somewhat interesting note, my teaching jobs with the exception of the first couple of years have not been in resource classrooms, but rather in behavior. Behavior classrooms look incredibly different in every building and district. Usually, a classroom will have extra staff. That’s a gift – if the staff is skilled. Sometimes behavior classrooms teach students and make learning a priority, however, sometimes behavioral classrooms are just play zones. Think glorified daycare. Kids are allowed to come and avoid class so that they don’t escalate, but are rewarded with adult attention, snacks, and even playtime.

I’ve walked into classrooms like that. It’s hard to shift a classroom from a climate where daycare is the norm and not learning. It can be done. It’s not popular, though. Not with the children. Not with the school staff. It’s not even always popular with the principal – if they are more concerned about being well-liked by their staff (general education teachers) and less caring about what is in the best interest of all the students.

Much of my teaching career has involved challenges and huge amounts of stress. Verbal and physical assault is a significant piece of this puzzle. They shouldn’t be, but they are. While I can honestly say that I believe I am good at my job, that’s not always a blessing. When you are good at something, you are often rewarded with “more.” And so more gets added to my plate while nothing is really taken from it. My contract doesn’t seem to protect me. My union doesn’t seem to represent me and my experience (or beliefs) for that matter.

Ok. I can keep going on about this, but for what good? The point is, I am tired. Exhausted, really.

I want out, but I am trapped.

How am I trapped? Recently, I was made aware that my license is pretty specific to SpEd (thank you University of Oregon). This means that according to the TSPC (state licensing) I am not qualified to do anything other than SpEd PreK-12th grade or I can continue in my job as a Behavior Interventionist for the building. Awesome. That’s trap number one.

Trap number two is that I carry our health insurance. I’m not worried about the kids’ insurance. They are double or triple-covered. I do have to think about insurance for Barry and me – who by the way – are both having some health concerns (hum… could they be stress related, by chance??). We are at a place where it feels somewhat unwise to let go of health coverage until we kind of know what we are up against.

So there you have it: I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. I feel incredibly fragile mentally, emotionally, and even physically. I know that the high continual levels of stress and trauma are impacting my mind and body, as well as my home. Yet what can I do but enter back into the chaos tomorrow morning?

Likely, your story is different. Likely you have experienced these sort of “stuck situations” with different sets of circumstances. I get that.

What can I do?

Well: I can decide that I am not going to let my feelings run me. My feelings aren’t always honest representatives of reality.

I can set my eyes on God and place my needs daily at His feet. After all, He sees me. He knows me. He understands my situation better than I do! He has not abandoned me because my God is faithful. He is my provider. He is my shield and my strength. So I will set my eyes on Him and continue to seek Him for help, as well as wisdom and discernment about the situation.

I will continue to set myself up to be operating at my best daily. I will continue to get up earlier than I need to so that I can have my time alone with my Heavenly Father. I will read and study His word. I will connect with Him through prayer (conversation) with Him regularly. I will continue to show up for fellowship at church. I will continue to serve Him. Worship Him. And seek Him. Daily.

What other choice do I have?

This is long. Wow.

Friends, we need to be praying for one another. We need to be in fellowship (small groups) so that we can share our needs and concerns with others in safe environments. We need to stop allowing our feelings to drive us through this life. We need to stop trying to do everything relying on our own power and strength. We need to position ourselves at the feet of Jesus and allow Him to carry us through.

If you are in a place of “stuck-ness” right now, I would encourage you to do the same. Don’t withdraw. Don’t frantically search for help from anything other than the LORD God. And never underestimate the power of prayer. After all, we are praying to the One who moves mountains…

LORD, I am praying for myself as well as anyone who likewise is finding themselves in a place where they feel stuck. LORD, you are a God who provides freedom in Christ. You are our helper. You are our protector. You are our shield. You are faithful and true. Help us to have eyes to see and ears to hear your prompting and direction. Help us to have humble hearts that are willing and ready to follow and obey you. You are the perfect leader. Lead us, LORD. We ask these things in the name of Jesus, Amen.

Blessings.