I don’t even know how to process it all.
It doesn’t help that my body is fighting sickness right now – but even if it weren’t and things like head colds didn’t exist – I would still feel… well… it’s hard to sum up.
Why does life seem so brokenly aggressive?
Why the deep waves of grief and sorrow?
Why the incredible depth of hurt from those I care about the most?
Why do I always seem behind even when I am trying my absolute best to catch up?
Why do I feel so alone and unknown?
Why do I feel like I am the only one who cares about the things that are important to me?
Why do I feel so unseen?
Where is my joy?
What is my purpose?
Why is no one defending and protecting me?
How long, O LORD? How long will this last? Till my last breath? Until I move from this world into an eternal world with you? My hope is dwindling. In its place rolls in deep pain and sadness. Oh how I long for respite! For relief! Yet there is none in sight for me.
I do not know what else to do. I know in my heart that you are always with me. Your word is true. I believe it. And yet you feel so far away! O LORD, help me to stand on what I know and not what I feel! My feelings are crippling me. What am I missing? LORD, is there something I have overlooked? Something that I have not done? Is there something that needs refining within me? Some unconfessed sin? LORD, if so, reveal it!
I want to be free. I want to find joy and purpose again. More than anything I desire hope.
Do not let this discouragement continue to rage against my soul. Save me, LORD, for you alone are capable of doing so. Clearly, I am not.
Father, help me not to doubt your character. Guide my steps. Guard my thoughts. Do not waste this hurt and pain, LORD.
I cry out to you, LORD, from a place of emotional drought. I hunger for your word, and for the opportunity to be in your presence – for there alone is where I can be seen, heard, known, delivered. O LORD, make a way. Make the miraculous occur. Be my place of refuge. Be my hiding place. Be my Savior. Be my Redeemer.
I know you are good. I know that you are good even when my circumstances are not good at all.
I am so weary. Lead me to your strong embrace. Cover me, that I may take shelter in your wings.
I need you, LORD. Do not hide your face from me. Heal me and restore my soul.
And if you do not – help me to remain – to abide – in you.
You are my Beloved – and I am your daughter.