Oh, how I needed the reminder yesterday that I am not alone. That my God sees. That not only does He see my needs, but that the LORD my God had actually gone before me, was walking with me, and will continue to be with me in my tomorrow.
Frankly, yesterday was not a good day. It was one of those days in my life that I hope I never have to repeat. It was one of those days where I could think of nothing I wanted to do more than climb into bed, pull the covers up over my head, and remain there. In fact, getting out of bed this morning, for a split second I thought, “That was all just a dream, a really bad dream.” But as soon as the thought came, so did the realization that in fact, it was not. Yesterday with all it’s “stuff” really happened.
Friend, I know we all have days where life slams us with challenge after challenge. Much in the same way that a powerful wave can crash against our legs and cause us to lose our balance, so life, with it’s circumstances and emotional drain can cause us to falter and in so doing pull our focus with it.
Yesterday, in the midst of working with an overwhelming number of kids who need way more than what a public school can offer them in the way of supports, I learned that a family member had passed. My heart was immediately seized with grief and frankly, concern for my family. My emotions and regulation now completely elevated, I knew I was not in a safe spot to be dealing with tantrums/explosions from kids. It becomes too easy for me to be triggered into an unsafe zone myself. And yet what do you do? Leave? I had a presentation to make to the staff. I have staff drowning in the sheer volume of misbehavior. Leaving didn’t seem to be an option.
The materials for the presentation had been causing me nothing but more stress and frustration. Three weeks ago, the materials that I needed were in plentiful supply in just about every store in our area. Of course, now there were none to be found. Thinking Amazon was the answer, an order was made that yesterday arrived in time for the presentation, only to learn that the order came in a different quantity than we had originally believed.
Wave after wave.
I wish I could tell you that I rose to the occasion and was strong and courageous – that I didn’t let the waves overwhelm me. Truly, I knew God was with me, but I was hanging on by a thread to keep from falling apart. I didn’t have time to fall apart.
I started my day compromised. My day and the circumstances of it compromised me more.
My one saving grace, and I mean this literally, is that I felt in the morning a real neediness for more from God. So I stayed in my car and googled a Bible verse out of the book of Psalms. I read through it and remember thinking, “I want this on my phone so I can access it throughout my day.” So I took a screenshot of it, which put it into my pictures.
Throughout my day I kept pulling that picture up and reading: “I lift up my eyes to the mountains – where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip – he who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The LORD watches over you – the LORD is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night. The LORD will keep you from all harm – he will watch over your life; the LORD will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.” (Psalm 121)
I needed God’s word. I needed His reminder of who He is, and my value to Him. I needed reminding that He was still in control. Still on His throne. Still watching over me. Still watching over my family.
This day threatens to be similar to yesterday. Similar struggles. Similar hurts. But my God was in my yesterday, and I know that He will be with me again in my today.
He is faithful.
Blessings!