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I am not sure what your life is like. If I were being completely honest – and I plan to be – I can get so caught up in the craziness of my own life and circumstances that I can easily find myself struggling to maintain any sense of outward focus. I see and feel my own pain so deeply. I know it so well, that I forget that I am not the only one experiencing pain.

What I believe to be true with all my heart – and have come to believe out of past experiences is that there are very deep seasons of hurt that we go through here on earth. Those seasons for me have seemed to be especially hard when I am feeling God move or desire to move in my life. In those times, I feel wave after wave of pummeling circumstances. I feel beat up. I am beat up! Not in just one area or aspect of life – but across the board.

Let me give a current example. Within the course of the last year, I have been feeling discouraged regarding my ministry at church. There has been a huge tension mounting within me regarding the music part of our worship. As I said, I was paying attention to the tension and asking God for clarity and direction. I did everything I knew to do on my own until God finally spoke to me and gave me a directive. He asked me to put it on the altar and step out in obedience. This has been incredibly hard for me to do. I grieve this loss tremendously. And yet, I seek to be obedient and follow God’s lead and hold that leading as more important than I do using the musical talents that God has given me. I am trusting that God sees what I cannot. He understands a purpose for this that has not yet been made known to me – or for that matter may not be made known to me this side of eternity.

That piece of the puzzle is large and painful, but truly only the first wave.

I have been watching my child struggle with intense bouts of anxiety. I work with kids who have anxiety. I have some materials/curriculum that has been incredibly helpful for students. But this is different. This is my child. While I believe that she wants to have help – in fact I know she does – it is hard for that help to come from her mama. I also know that finding help from an outside resource is very challenging right now. There are simply not enough counselors to meet the need. By the grace of God, we will start meeting with one within the next two weeks. Yet for my girl, this year has been challenging. It is hard for her to navigate through the concerns she has with her friends and the choices they are making. She loves them. She sees the potential for consequences that are beyond what she wants for them. She is bold enough to say something. But she is blown off and therefore left discouraged and devasted by the rejection. As a mom, my heart is heavy with grief for my child. She is really struggling. When she struggles, I struggle.

In addition on the homefront, we have entered into yet another capital campaign at the church. It’s an exciting time for most. For me, it’s hard. My husband is under quite a lot of stress and pressure – much of it he takes upon himself. However, what I know is that stress and pressure along with sleep deprivation are never great foundations for relationships. We lose our fuse. We lose our filter. We lose our peace. Things are additionally complicated on this particular subject because while I love our church – hear me – I do love our church – I am also really grieving and hurting right now – as I mentioned before. I have absolutely loved being a part of the ministry at my church and now I don’t know how I fit. My husband has come to realize that he too loved us doing ministry together and no longer knows how I fit or how to “fix” this. And this creates a sort of powder-keg of big feelings.

As if this weren’t enough – I have been facing attack on a physical level. I am not sure what I did, but I have injured my back. The pain is so intense that now my sleep has been compromised over the past few days. Nothing is comfortable. Advil to help with the pain at night has only seemed to add stomach problems to the mix. It’s discouraging.

Look, I could go on. Sadly, I could. But I don’t want to.

What I want to do is become really intentional about my response to all of this garbage. I want to be intentional about not succumbing to the overwhelming attacks but instead, keep my eyes on the One who holds my hand and leads me through them. I want to maintain an attitude and habit of spending time in God’s presence and giving Him praise – even when times are rough. I want to remember and draw to mind all the times that God has provided for me in the past and in faith – rely on the truth that God will not discard me now. I am His. I am His beloved. I am a daughter of the king. I am the bride of Christ. I am chosen. He will not leave me. He is not allowing this to happen to me to punish me.

God has again provided me with an opportunity to praise Him in the midst of the difficulty – in the midst of the storm. Will I be faithful in this? Will I curl up into a ball of defeat? Or will I fall into the strong arms of the One who will carry me through?

I am in a battle. We do face them. Yet we do not have to face them alone. I am choosing not to face mine upon my own ability to fight. I am simply not smart enough or strong enough to do so. The attacks are too great for me. God will lead. I will seek Him and invite Him to do so.

“For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” (2 Corinthians 10:3-5) “Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith.” (1 Peter 5:8-9) “No weapon formed against you will prosper; and every tongue that accuses you in judgment you will condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, and their vindication is from Me,” declares the LORD.” (Isaiah 54:17)

Are you under attack? Do you find yourself feeling hit by wave after wave of defeat? Recognize it for what it is, and take a stand with the help that only the Savior can provide. Let His strength carry you through.

Blessings!