I’ve always counted myself blessed when it comes to vision. I am one of those blessed people who have made it past the mid-forties mark without having to wear glasses. I have glasses. And there are times when my vision is so much better when I am wearing glasses – like when I am driving at night and it’s rainy. The truth is though, my vision was just as likely not to be good. I have one parent whose sight was similar to mine, but on the other hand, I have one parent who struggled to see anything without glasses since childhood. My eyes have blessed me with good vision.
Not perfect vision.
While I can see just fine without my glasses, I struggle to read things at a distance. I can enjoy the gift of God’s beauty around me, but when I put on my glasses, I can see the intricacy of detail that I can miss without them. My vision is good, but my vision is imperfect.
The same is true for my spiritual understanding or vision of God. I love my LORD. I know that my LORD loves me. I seek my LORD. I know that because of this my God has allowed me to experience Him intimately. He has poured His Spirit into me. He has spoken to me and at times through me. He has given me a new name when I needed to be reclaimed. He reminds me that He is my groom and I am His bride. I love Him. I need Him.
I don’t always understand Him.
It’s not that I believe I have the right to understand Him. Why should I – a human – be privy to the perfect and holy, all-knowing ways of the Creator of the Universe? My mind would not be able to comprehend it all. But still my heart desires to have better vision – better understanding – at least in parts.
I want to have answers to my questions. I want to know the reasons for my hurts. I want to shorten the path of learning and refining because frankly – it can be – and often is painful. And I am tired of the pain. I don’t want to spend 40 years going around this mountain. I don’t want to spend my life hearing about the promised land, I want to live in it.
This life is not my final destination.
God never promised all of His followers would see or dwell in the promised land – at least not this side of eternity.
Even Earth’s promised land is marred with imperfection and sin. It isn’t till Heaven that perfection and holiness once again exist in perfect unity.
“Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.” (1 Corinthians 13:12)
My vision is imperfect. I lack clarity within so many pieces that make up the puzzle of my life. There are so many things that as hard as I try, I just cannot make sense of.
How can I so easily love and forgive a child who is verbally and even physically abusive to me, but I struggle to love and forgive those who have hurt me within the church?
Why is it that even when you are right about something, even when you are being obedient to God, I am asked to give up my “rightness” for another’s desires?
When will the promises of God be manifested in my life? How long will the time of waiting be?
I’m incapable of seeing. I am unable to fully understand and know. I know the One who holds such knowledge, but He has not desired to reveal those things to me. At least not in the explicit way I seem to need in order to grasp it.
So maybe this time is not to focus on what I can see imperfectly, but to take ahold of what I know God is calling me to do. Love. Honestly, I cannot love like God wants me to love without His divine intervention. I am too hurt. Too broken. Too human. But I want to love like Him. By His grace, and His strength, and His help, I will keep attempting too.
What does God’s love look like? “Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.” (1 Corinthians 13: 4-7)
Imperfect vision is my current status. I will not always have it. God is at work in me. I have invited Him to be. As painful as this process has been and continues to be – I have this hope – God will perfect His love in me. That day will come. It will not come in my timing – but in His.
LORD, be my hope. Carry me, I am weak. Hold tightly to me, so I will not stray or tire of the process. Take ahold of my mind. Break me of self. Fill me with You. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Blessings!