I’m going to be really transparent about something that has been happening in the Lind home – especially within my heart and mind.
This year has been hard. Yes, the school year has proven to be so challenging – but even beyond the residual and trauma from a pandemic and the tolls it has caused on families and children – there are so many more challenges I am referring to. We lost my Aunt this year and are now having to go through the process of sorting and handling her estate. My husband’s focus and time spent on the church and on his community commitments have increased exponentially. My now 21-year-old daughter Hannah has had lots of extra meetings and requirements that I am having to learn and take care of as her legal guardian. We’ve had extra health needs and appointments that have arisen. Our already busy lives now feel like they are on steroids.
I can tell you, just as I told the nurse at my doctor’s appointment yesterday: I don’t think I need to see a therapist or talk to someone. I am not suffering from depression. I have before – and I don’t feel like I am now. Rather, I think I am absolutely exhausted. I know that God is my rock. I know that he is the only thing carrying me through and keeping me sane. I have made time with him a priority in my life for years now – sacrificing sleep just to ensure that I start my day on a firm foundation – reminded of God’s presence.
With that said, I have blown it.
One of the many things I continue to come to God with in my times of prayer is asking for wisdom and discernment. God loves to answer those prayers. But I also have asked him to convict my heart of any sin that I am holding onto. I have asked him to point out in me anything that I am failing in. Friend, God also loves when we pray that prayer and is faithful to answer it. But beware: it hurts.
You see, God did reveal something about my priorities that I am embarrassed about but will confess to you – as I did to him and my girls – I have blown it. We have blown it actually (although I can only take responsibility for my part). I have done a great job of staying faithful and making God a priority in my life. I have continually studied and read his word and have grown in my faith and relationship with Christ because of it. But somewhere along the road, I stopped leading my kids this way.
When the girls were little, I would read to them each night. I would have them each pick a book and I would also read from their children’s Bible. We would pray together. Every night. But somewhere along the way, as we blended a family in a small home, while I was cramming in grad school and starting a new career – somewhere in there – the responsibility and priority of training my children spiritually fell by the wayside. We would still talk about God. We would go to church together each Sunday. We would listen to and sing Christian music together. In my own quiet time, I regularly pray for their walk with God… But my most important job in this life – I neglected.
I am so grateful for Jesus and the grace and mercy he showers upon his Beloved. I am so grateful for this painful revelation. It’s not too late. Yes, my girls are 16 and 21. But they are both still in the walls of this house, and therefore, a new routine can be made together.
So last night was the first meeting. We are starting in Genesis. I have no idea how to do this. My children are so very different in their cognition and level of understanding. It does not matter. God wants me to be obedient and plant the seeds. He will cultivate. Spiritual growth matters. My children’s foundation in the LORD and in His Word is the only thing that is going to keep them from the deception being flung and them constantly in the culture around them. God is calling me to do what he says and trust Him with the outcome.
God is very much in the business of answering our prayers. Especially when we are seeking a right relationship with him and are willing and open to the truth he will reveal.
Blessings.
“Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” – Proverbs 22:6