Blog

My job is hard. I’m really not saying that because I am looking for sympathy, or to put on a victim’s hat. I say it because it’s true. It’s hard. It’s mentally and emotionally, and at times (when kids are violent or runners) even physically challenging. While small parts of what I do stay the same day in and day out, much of what I do is always in a state of flux. That can be great for a person who loves challenges and gets bored easily… it’s a bit unsettling for those of us who are planners.

I am a planner.

Most of the time, while appreciated by other co-workers, this job is a pretty thankless gig. Many of the families whose kids I work with directly are barely hanging on by their fingertips. They are likely doing the best that they can, but due to either current life circumstances, or lack of skills themselves, they are often quick to deflect the responsibility for their child’s behavior as being tied to home. It’s the school’s fault their student is misbehaving. It’s other children’s fault that their child made threats or put hands on them. That kind of thing. So it’s not uncommon to be communicating with these families and have them begin to yell, scream, blame, or even at times curse at you.

This type of behavior from adults toward other adults blows my mind. I think, while I certainly don’t appreciate it coming from children, I can more easily excuse their behavior as “not knowing” better or more appropriate behavior “yet.” With adults, I have a harder time believing better or more appropriate behavior will/can be learned. (Outside of a miracle, of course.)

We have had so much behavior this year. I’m at one of the best elementary schools in our district – and it’s been constantly hard all year. Kids who were not on my radar, are. Kids who were not in crisis, are. Kids who were behavioral before are making bigger and bigger behavioral choices with a higher level of frequency. It’s exhausting work.

Yesterday as I was dealing with one of these behavioral explosions. I began to pray a prayer that is not uncommon for me to pray as I am responding to situations on our campus. I prayed, “God. I need your help. Give me wisdom and discernment.” Immediately after that began a debriefing of the incident with a kiddo that I have been working with for several years. And I learned something about the behaviors we are seeing from him. He does not have empathy – at all. He does not ever take the perspective of another. He simply enjoys the control he feels when he is pushing other kids’ buttons and “triggering” them. Period.

My heart hurt. Not just for this kid, mind you, but for the family in which he comes from, and the ripple effect of those their lives touch. Why? I think life is painful enough when people aren’t intentionally trying to manipulate and hurt other people. I cannot help but wonder if empathy and perspective-taking would directly impact not only our behaviors toward others, but also really impact our mindset and value we place upon the lives around us.

So often I want out of this gig. The stress is consistently high. The drain is awful. And my God goes with me, and before me, and behind me…

I need to make sure that as hard as this is, I am not ever forgetting the truths that I know about my God. My perspective about what is going on can leave me feeling overwhelmed and as if my efforts are wasted. There’s little evidence of growth and change for me to see. But here’s the thing, I am only a piece of the puzzle. I am planting seeds, or picking weeds?? I don’t know, I only know that I am doing one of those jobs that are behind the scenes, is kinda yucky work, but can hopefully help make the world a better or more beautiful place – eventually.

God isn’t calling me to do this on my own. He isn’t calling me to be overwhelmed. He is calling me to depend upon Him. To seek Him. To ask for His help. He’s faithful to provide it – every time.

I was reminded of this truth while reading from my devotion book my Gram gave me. I want to share a piece of it with you. The book is “God Calling.” “I am your LORD, your Supply. You must rely on Me. Trust to the last uttermost limit. Trust and be not afraid. You must depend on Divine Power only. I have not forgotten you. Your help is coming. You shall know and realize my power. Endurance is faith tried almost to the breaking point. You must wait, and trust, and hope, and joy in me. You must not depend on man but on Me, on Me, your strength, your Help, your supply. This is the great test. Am I your supply or not?… You cannot be anxious if you know that I am your supply.”

I need God’s perspective. Not my own. We all do. It’s available to us. He is close. He will provide. Ask. Recieve. Believe. Dwell in it.

Blessings.